Rat

I was looking forward to waxing lyrical about how lovely it is to be in my new place... but that will have to wait. Most of my initial pleasure is currently being overshadowed by a rat. I knew there was going to be one because my new landlord tried to show me how to set the rat trap and figured out it was broken. How bad can one rat-night be I thought? Ha!

The rat woke me hourly as it systematically explored, tasted and defecated on everything I had brought into the house. The rubbish bag was the first casualty, and gave me my first glimpse of the bright eyed beast. Then a gastronomic tour of the pantry- taking a bite out of everything it could and really pigging out on the paprika. A clattering parade across all the dishes etc in my cupboards. A riffle through my handbag and wrestle with the chewing gum therein. A visit to the linen in the hot water cupboard and a circuit inside the washing machine.

Every hour or so I woke to the sound of the rat having fun with my stuff, turned on the light, got out of bed, stomped and shouted my way out of my bedroom in the hope that I wouldn't have to actually see the rat as I didn't even have a broom in the house I could brandish at it. But it always waited until it actually saw me before scurrying away (away as in sort of towards me) no doubt getting a good laugh from how I couldn't help but jump and shriek everytime I saw it. Then I would have another go at trying to anticipate what the rat might try to chew through next and where I could put those items out of rat's way. Then I would go back to bed, wait for the adreneline to stop surging through my body and try to ignore the little scurrying noises.

Eventually I would fall asleep- just long enough for a bad dream before the next rat encounter. Dreams of being assigned impossible tasks i.e. cleaning every tiny, dusty box in a huge, dirty cobwebby, rat-poopy warehouse; suddenly having to be substitute teacher for a rebellious 4th form science class; hiding the 'evidence' planted to frame me for a series of horrific murders; making my way through a dense jungle of scarey animals like pythons and camels... you get the idea.

Now I am going to drive the 30kms into town to buy a functional trap for the rat. And possibly some strong drink for me.