Home sick

All that I have learned about my 'intuition' boils down to this: if I don't have enough quiet and slow in my daily life to hear past the chattering old recordings of fear/ego/self-deprecation then my soul will start broadcasting its most urgent messages via my body. Little discomforts clamour for my attention and if I am not responsive to cause (rather than just symptoms) then the volume gets cranked up and static blurs the information coming to me in the form of chronic/serious illnesses.

Since I finally figured that out, and gathered the courage and resources to respond appropriately to my real needs, this has become a highly efficient form of communication (it took about 35 years of pointless suffering to get there but I did).

Right now, my soul is crying out for home, for Purua, for the bush and the hills, to be making art in my studio, and for quiet and solitude. I know this by the sore shins from walking on so much pavement (I usually have a lot of stamina for walking), how I wince at every loud sound (and there are so many!) and the general malaise I felt all through Wellington's cold weekend. I have responded by cutting back my social plans so that unless whanau are involved, I am probably not going to be there. I am spending as much time alone as I can, moving slowly through my business tasks (and getting very excited about all the cool stuff I will be taking home to make into books). Consequently, the malaise has receeded and I am facing my last day here in a state of calm equanimity, eager to go, but willing and able to do what I need to while I am here.

Apologies to all my Wellington darlings who I haven't seen on this visit, forgive me, and know that my non-contact by no means reflects my level of affection and respect for you. You are welcome to come and visit me in Whangarei!