Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Home sick

All that I have learned about my 'intuition' boils down to this: if I don't have enough quiet and slow in my daily life to hear past the chattering old recordings of fear/ego/self-deprecation then my soul will start broadcasting its most urgent messages via my body. Little discomforts clamour for my attention and if I am not responsive to cause (rather than just symptoms) then the volume gets cranked up and static blurs the information coming to me in the form of chronic/serious illnesses.

Since I finally figured that out, and gathered the courage and resources to respond appropriately to my real needs, this has become a highly efficient form of communication (it took about 35 years of pointless suffering to get there but I did).

Right now, my soul is crying out for home, for Purua, for the bush and the hills, to be making art in my studio, and for quiet and solitude. I know this by the sore shins from walking on so much pavement (I usually have a lot of stamina for walking), how I wince at every loud sound (and there are so many!) and the general malaise I felt all through Wellington's cold weekend. I have responded by cutting back my social plans so that unless whanau are involved, I am probably not going to be there. I am spending as much time alone as I can, moving slowly through my business tasks (and getting very excited about all the cool stuff I will be taking home to make into books). Consequently, the malaise has receeded and I am facing my last day here in a state of calm equanimity, eager to go, but willing and able to do what I need to while I am here.

Apologies to all my Wellington darlings who I haven't seen on this visit, forgive me, and know that my non-contact by no means reflects my level of affection and respect for you. You are welcome to come and visit me in Whangarei!


Jessica said...

Hi Meliors!
I am a (new) blogger from whangarei. :) I saw your article in the newspaper and so i've joined blogspot. i did have a blog journal elsewhere but i let it die. My name's Jessica, and my (as yet untouched) journal is call An Incomplete Glimpse.
Might See ya 'round!

Kakariki said...

Was lovely to see you darling. Thank you for sharing your wonderful books with me. Safe travels home.